Now What?
I just got back from my dream vacation. The vacation I’d been fantasizing about for three years. The vacation I dreamed would change my life. A Las Olas Surf Safari. A week of fun in the sun and ocean in Mexico. A week that happened to also contain my birthday, with a private surfing lesson, a massage and a big birthday party on a beautiful terrace overlooking the Pacific. A week of trying something over and over again and still not standing up, but still trying (wanting to try) again and again. My dream vacation. It’s over.
Now what? Before I left I was debating which would be worse: if my dream vacation changed my life, or if it didn’t. Now I know the answer. My life not changing is far, far worse. My first inclination when I got into the car in the airport parking lot was to cry. I didn’t. But then I started beating myself up for all the projects I haven’t started, and all the ones I didn’t continue after a manic start. How do I change my life? That’s always the question and I never have an answer that doesn’t involve abject poverty. Sure, I come up with ideas that allow me to have lots of material belongings, but the HGTV Dream House is just not that easy to win.
So now what? I have absolutely no idea. Except one. Maybe. Kind of. What if I make this the Year of Love? The night before my birthday I realized that this past year had been a year of healing. I didn’t even remember until the next day that on my birthday last year I’d gone to the World Wellness Weekend and seen Deepak Chopra, and met my future acupuncturist. The week before that I’d done a meditation workshop and before that I’d started taking yoga. I was determined to heal myself. That was my sole intent. In some ways I did.
As I thought about the Year of Healing, I realized that in order to heal I had to learn to take care of myself. Not just work and pay bills and eat, but really take care of myself. I had to go to yoga, go to acupuncture. I finally took a vacation after three years of fantasizing about it!! I had to think I was worth enough to spend the money on those things. I had to believe I deserved healing and health and relaxation and adventure.
So this year, I’m proposing (maybe, kind of) a Year of Love. This year will not be so much about falling in love and finding a mate (although I really really really want that), but more about Loving Myself. Loving yourself, unconditionally, is the first Principal of any Self Help Book, yet it can be the most difficult thing to do for a Self Help Addict. It’s only through that love, that self love, that you can truly appreciate every kind of love: romantic, familial, sociable, gracious, compassionate love.
So here’s to the Year of Love. May I be able to see Love in all it’s forms. That’s my intent for this year.
