1 Day aka the longest day ever November 9, 2009

I predict this will be the longest day ever. I predict it will take ages for 5:00pm to arrive, a millennium until after yoga and going to bed.  Yesterday was pretty long, even the night when I was mostly asleep seemed long as the day.

This time tomorrow I’ll be on my way to the final walk through. Then at 9:30am: closing time. They should call it “last call”.  I’m sure people need a drink at this point.

So. Tomorrow at about 11:00 I’ll have a lot to do or nothing to do. Here was the to-do list I started yesterday:

1. Avoid making a to-do list for the house
2. Make a to-do list for not closing -

• cry
• keep looking for a renter
• tell family not to come for Thanksgiving and make other arrangements
• cry some more

3. Be happy anyway!

We’ll see how that last one works out.

2 days November 8, 2009

Up until yesterday I’d been doing a pretty good job of not imagining what it would be like to own a house. I’d tempered my excitement with gloom and doom scenarios, planning for both closing and not closing. I can’t do that any more. The list of To-Dos after closing is long and I keep revising, adding. The possibility of not closing seems less real the closer I get to the closing date.

I’d planned all along to have movers come next weekend, but now that seems so far away. Now I plan to get them to come Thursday or Friday afternoon. I already know I’m taking the aerobed over Wednesday night. I think I would have to do too much Tuesday to stay there that night. But I have a sneaky suspicion that Tuesday night I’m going to stay there. Why would I stay anywhere else other than home?

The duplex is still hanging over my head of course, (interesting I said “of course”) and I’m still in gloom and doom mode there, still expecting to have to turn over my $8000 tax credit to the landlord.  I want to buy furniture with it, decorate have a great Christmas. But I don’t expect I’ll be able to do that. Of course.

Yesterday I sold my stainless steel top table. I’d had it since I lived in New York, one of the few things I brought with me to Austin. I loved that table.  I helped the other new home owner put it into the her van. It was the first purchase for her new house.  She told me “You haven’t gotten to the fun part yet. The last week has been miserable, but it gets really fun after that.” I hope she loves the table.

When I saw the empty space I almost burst into tears. It’s real. I’m (probably) going to be a home owner in two days.

Austin October 4, 2009

I’ve lived in Austin 7 years, October 2nd was my anniversary.  I’ve never been to ACL. I always say I’ve never heard of any of the bands, but then co-workers hum a few bars of a song and I realize I know it well.  It’s usually so hot and dusty this time of year (yes I know it’s September but this is Austin). The idea of standing out in a huge field all day, dirty and sweaty, with porta potties for relief never really appeals to me for some reason. And this year it’s raining, so, No.  South by Southwest in the spring is a total mystery to me too.  It’s o.k. though. I didn’t move to Austin for the music. I’m still not sure why I moved here. Austin called to me, some siren song that drove me mad as long as I resisted it.

And now it’s asking me to stay, to make a long-term commitment, in the guise of buying a home. Now. I made the decision to buy the Tuesday morning after Labor Day. That wasn’t even four weeks ago. I knew the house I wanted to buy by that Friday. I think this is the equivalent of meeting someone and then a month into the relationship flying to Vegas to get married (which by the way I’m sure is how I’ll get married, although honestly I hope it’s Paris instead. Paris, France not The Paris in Vegas).

This is all very unexpected because less than a year ago I’d made up my mind to move back to Florida. Looking back at that decision, I think I just wanted to call someplace home, but I was still afraid to call Austin home.  My whole family is in Florida and after so many years I still have so few friends in Austin. Who do I call if my car breaks down and I need a ride? What if I have to go to the hospital? I’m not comfortable asking friends to do that for me. I’m not comfortable asking for anything really.

I didn’t celebrate my anniversary. I spent most of Friday trying to let go of wishful thinking, like a renter would suddenly appear and want to move in immediately, so I could rid myself of the burden of this apartment and have money to spend decorating my new house, PleaseGod PleaseGod PleaseGod PleaseGod PleaseGod. By days end I was accepting the fact (or was that just resignation?) that I might have to carry a huge debt from the rent, but I was pretty confident that I could pick up some extra jobs even in this economy. Who needs sleep, right?

Yesterday I wallowed in self pity. Wo is me!  Although I have to admit I haven’t slept well in weeks and I had an awful headache, still, I knew it was mostly self pity and I realized it had been resignation the day before. I was still hoping someone would come by and fall in love with apartment and want to move in immediately!  But it’s not the right time of year; it’s a slow market in general; it’s a fairly expensive rental. It’s (probably) not going to happen. I put “probably” in there because there’s a fine line between being realistic and calling in negative stuff. So let me be clear:

I want to rent this apartment before November 11th, the closing date for buying my house.

But I also want to be realistic and prepare for the worst, like no one renting it before then. Or at all. Ever. O.k. now I’ve gone too far.

Phases August 14, 2009

I’m moving soon, moving to a little house in Hyde Park in Austin. I’ve always wanted to live there. It’s close to everything and I’ll be able to bike and walk (when it’s not 110 degrees out!) to restaurants or stores or yoga.  I’ve wanted to live in a house for a while. This is a 2/1 and I don’t know the square footage, but I’ll definitely be able to have a study/yoga/meditation room, which I’m thrilled about. This house was available at the right time and only a little bit over the right price.

This is a new phase for me: actually living where I want, neighborhood and housing. I’ve spent most of my life living in anonymous apartment buildings in neighborhoods that were a little, or a lot, away from where I actually wanted to live.

When I moved to New York, to Brooklyn, I loved my apartment, LOVED, but I was always taking the train to Park Slope to do anything because that’s where everything was (not even talking about taking the train to Manhattan for work). I hadn’t been able to afford Park Slope and did I mention I’m not willing to share?  Yeah. I move to a city where people have to have roommates even after they’ve bought something, but I refuse to share. Sometimes I exhaust myself.

I lived in two apartments in DC and hated them both, although I hated the first (which I stayed in for only a year) slightly more than I hated the second, which I stayed in for 5 and a half years. Every year when my lease was up I would “decide” to move, look here and there for an apartment I wanted, in a neighborhood I wanted, then just kind of give up, not having extensive funds, or the extensive energy the search seemed to require.

I lived in Hyde Park in Chicago when I was a graduate student, and I remember at the time, I didn’t think much of it. I would tell Chicago people I lived in Hyde Park and they would sigh and roll their eyes as if in some sort of ecstasy. I was always baffled as to why. Where did I want to live in Chicago? I don’t remember. No place would have made me happy then. Looking back Hyde Park was an awesome neighborhood, by far the best I’ve lived in.

Now I’m moving to another Hyde Park, also by a university. I really appreciate what the neighborhood has to offer in a way I just didn’t before, maybe couldn’t. So I’m going to live exactly where I want to live, in the kind of house I want to live in. Will I be happy there? What happens when you get exactly what you want?