Down market Oprah August 28, 2007

I’m a little annoyed with O.

What’s up with all the rich women in O? Who are the people who think a six figure salary is moderately successful? This month’s theme, Do What You Love, tells us to follow our gut, our heart, our passion. Leave your current soul sucking job for what calls you…

But the ‘example’ women doing this heart following all had six-figure jobs, no careers, or an extra home to sell, or a husband with a six-job to get them started.

My friend always gets annoyed with Suze Ormand, and rightfully so. She says things like “Always buy your car with cash!” If I had a spare $10-$20,000 I wouldn’t need to read her column! Yeah, sure, if I had it I would be in it for sure, but I don’t. Other suggestions please.

I don’t have a six-figure job, let alone a coherent career to speak of, nor do I have an extra home to sell, or a husband, at all for that matter. So what’s the lesson for me? Stay in the soul sucking job until I’m making six figures? Until I have 20 years experience? Will I have any soul left to leave?

What am I waiting for? August 22, 2007

Let me just say upfront, I have no idea.

Every now and then I pick up an old SHB. One I’ve read, but haven’t touched in a while. It’s always interesting to look at the what I’ve underlined, what, apparently, was important to me at the time I was reading it.

Today I picked up The Best Year of Your Life: Dream It, Plan It, Live It, by Debbie Ford. Something I hadn’t underlined before:

To have the best year of our lives, we must expose the fantasy that keeps us waiting and wishing for things to changes. Only then will we unlock the power to make our actual lives great…. Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?

I’ll be happy when I …

make a certain amount of money; buy a house; have a balanced life; meet my soul mate; finish school; get my life under control; reach my ideal body weight; get the recognition I deserve; send my children off to college; have a baby; find a new job;
have more time to lay golf; get a promotion have more sex; find my true love
am assured of my spouse’s success; have a fabulous new wardrobe; get out of debt.

Debbie (we’re close) says that what we’re seeking with all these things is a feeling, a feeling that won’t necessarily come with the goal. At some point in my life I’ve been waiting for almost every one of these (except the golf one). I’m still waiting for most of them. What does that say about the state of my happiness? How can I move forward wanting so much? Waiting for it? All of those things seem really reasonable to want: a great new job, true love, nice clothes.

I think the SHA lesson here is Sure go after them if you really want them. But don’t wait to be happy. Be happy now.

Why do people get married? August 14, 2007

Why do people get married? Seriously. It seems doomed. I’m aware that it’s makes life a little less lonely (or does it?), but… geez. It’s got to be irritating! How do you find yourself, only to give up little pieces of it in compromise?

I have HUGE committment issues just for this reason. Even when my self is not really threatened, I’m constantly fearful (i.e. paranoid) that I’ll have to give up a part of myself. I know I’m being paranoid, but still. When is compromise too much? Marriage (committed relationship, partnership, honeybuns, whatever you want to call it) has got to be worth it right? People keep doing it and they’ve been doing it for millennia.

Self Love: what is it good for? August 10, 2007

Self love (self acceptance, self worth, self esteem) is good for everything. Everything. You know the drill: if you can’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else or expect anyone to love you? If you spend all your time hating yourself, beating yourself up, you can’t possibly be thinking positive thoughts about anything else or doing anything positive.

I know some have trouble with this one. I have trouble with this one. How can I love myself when there are so many things about me that really need fixing? Seriously, am I just supposed to ignore the extra 100 pounds, the smoking, the delight in gossip, the lack of relationships, the list goes on. The hair, the nose, the teeth, the feet. The list goes on.

I think the idea of self love doesn’t as you to deny these things, it asks you to accept yourself as is, because as long as you’re dealing with something that is not (that does not exist), you can’t possibly be dealing with the issue at hand; you’re dealing with something non-existant. And what does that get you?

Does that make sense? What are your thoughts on Self Love?

Yoga is destructive August 10, 2007

I’ve been taking classes at my place of yoga, at a small Buddhist yoga studio, for about 7 months. At the beginning of my first class with my yoga teacher he said that if he had to distill yoga down to two words it would be ‘let go’. What I didn’t realize then is that in order to let something, anything go, you have to feel it first.

For a person who keeps it all in, feeling any emotion, bad or good, is extremely difficult. The first few months of yoga were incredibly painful. Emotionally painful. It’s only recently have I been able to leave yoga without feeling destroyed, my self in a million little pieces, my body twitching and heavy with emotional energy more than physical exhaustion. Why did I keep going back? Because every time I put my self back together again, I have a little more clarity.

Now, most of the time, I leave feeling good, relaxed, released, but not tonight. Tonight I’m feeling that bottle energy that I don’t know what to do with. The kind I’m trying to release, but I don’t know where to go with it. Is it sadness or anger or frustration? And about what. I had a pretty good day honestly, but there’s just this heightened energy coming from somewhere.

Life Coach vs. Therapist August 6, 2007

Here’s one to the most e-mailed articles on CNN.com:Getting unstuck: Does your life need a coach http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/worklife/08/01/wlb.life.coaches/index.html?iref=newssearch.

They explain the difference between a life coach and a therapist.

“In simplistic terms, a therapist is [there] to heal the wounds of the past, and a life coach supports you in moving your life forward,” [Rhonda] Britten [author of Fearless Living] says. “My rule of thumb: If a client tries to convince me of someone else’s wrongdoing more than three times, I know they are not ready to move forward, and I suggest therapy might be a more appropriate option.”

[Elizabeth] Scott says another big difference is that therapists try to help people with problems, while coaches help already healthy people improve their lives.

Healthy people? Really?

I’m looking at this again and thinking Healthy people i.e. happy people, assuming they exist, don’t really need life couches. Isn’t one of the definitions of a healthy, happy person someone who can find the happiness in their own lives?

Are you a Self Help Addict (SHA)? August 4, 2007

Are you a Self Help Addict (SHA)?
• Are you always reading at least one self help book (SHB)?
• Have you read dozens if not hundreds of self help books?
• Do you read more than one SHB at a time?
• When you read a SHB do you proclaim “this book has changed my life!” only to buy another SHB the next time you pass a bookstore?
• Are you always trying some exercise to clear your chakras, to affirm your goodness, prove you’re loveable, find the perfect mate, discover the perfect position, combine the right amount of carbs and fats?

If you answered “Yes” to any of these question, you are a Self Help Addict (SHA). Like me.